I was just trying to get some things done, you know? Just a regular afternoon trip to the big store, minding my own business. I had my basket in one hand and was looking at the labels on the pasta sauce jars. I like to take my time and really see what’s what. That’s when it happened. A shadow fell over me, and I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, trying to be polite, like you do.
There was a lady standing right behind me. She was holding a list, and her face looked kinda demanding already, like she was in a hurry or something. She just pointed her finger at me, real close to my chest, and started talking fast. “Excuse me, can you tell me where the artisanal pickled ramps are? I’ve been looking for ten minutes and can’t find them anywhere. This is ridiculous.”
I blinked a few times. Pickled ramps? I had no idea what she was even talking about. I didn’t even know this store sold anything like that. I guess I must have looked a little confused because she sighed real loud. “Well? Are you going to help me or just stand there? I saw you in the produce section earlier, you were restocking the fancy mushrooms, so I know you work here.”
My jaw just kinda dropped a little. I wasn’t restocking anything. I was just looking at the mushrooms because they looked interesting. I wear plain clothes, nothing with a logo or a nametag. I was wearing my favorite old band t-shirt, for crying out loud. I tried to explain, real calm like. “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t actually work here. I’m just a shopper, just like you.”
Her eyes got big. Not big like surprised, but big like she was getting mad. “What do you mean you don’t work here? Don’t lie to me! I know you do! You have that look, that employee look. You were stocking things, I saw you. Now, stop wasting my time and take me to the pickled ramps. My husband needs them for his special recipe tonight, and I don’t have all day.”
My muscles started to tense up, I could feel it in my neck. This was already getting stupid. I tried again, slower this time. “No, seriously. I do not work for this grocery store. I’m just trying to buy some pasta sauce.” I even showed her my basket with the one jar I had picked out. I figured if she saw I was just buying stuff, she’d get it.
But nope. She just scoffed. “Oh, I see how it is. You just don’t want to help me, do you? You think you can just stand around and ignore customers? That’s terrible service! I’m going to tell your manager about this attitude. Now, for the last time, where are the pickled ramps?” Her voice was getting louder, and I felt a knot forming in my stomach. I just wanted to finish my shopping.
I took a step back, my hand going to the handle of my basket, ready to just walk away. My face was starting to feel warm. This was completely ridiculous. I don’t get paid to deal with this, and I wasn’t going to stand there and get yelled at by some random person. I figured if I just left, she’d find a real employee eventually. I started to turn, hoping she’d just let it go.
But she didn’t. Oh no. She actually took a step forward, blocking my path. “Hey! Don’t you dare walk away from me! You are a store employee, and you are going to help me! This is unacceptable! What kind of business is this, where your staff just ignores paying customers?” She was practically yelling now. My ears started to ring a little, and a headache was definitely trying to start behind my eyes.
I tried to sidestep her, but she moved with me, like she was glued to my hip. My teeth started to clench together. “I am not an employee,” I said, my voice probably sounding strained. “I am a customer. Leave me alone.” I just wanted to get away, to disappear into another aisle, maybe find some peace in the frozen foods section. I could feel my patience wearing thin, a very dangerous feeling.
“Oh, you’re just rude! You’re just lazy! I am going to make sure you get fired for this! You can’t just refuse to do your job! I’m going to find your manager and tell them everything! You’ll be sorry you treated a customer like this!” Her face was getting redder, and she was waving her hands around. She was really drawing attention now, and I could feel other shoppers looking our way. I felt so much embarrassment, mixed with an intense anger.
I finally managed to push past her, not gently, and started walking fast, my basket bumping against my leg. I was done. I was going to abandon my shopping if I had to. I could hear her footsteps behind me, coming fast. “Come back here, you! You can’t run away from your responsibilities! This is appalling! You need to be disciplined!”
I picked up my pace, practically jogging past the cereal aisle. I could feel a cold sweat breaking out. This was actually happening. Someone was chasing me through a grocery store because they thought I worked there. I could hear her voice getting louder, more frantic. “You are going to regret this! I will report you to corporate! You’re going to lose your job!”
Suddenly, I heard another voice, a deeper one. “Honey? What is going on here?”
I risked a glance back. A man was walking quickly towards us, looking totally confused. He caught up to the lady who was still shouting at my back. He put a hand on her arm. “Janet, what’s happening? Why are you yelling at that person?”
She tried to pull away from him. “She’s an employee, and she’s refusing to help me find the pickled ramps! And now she’s trying to run away! She needs to be fired, George!”
The man, George, looked at me, then back at her. He kinda looked apologetic. He squeezed her arm. “Janet, she’s not wearing a uniform. She’s carrying a shopping basket. She’s just a customer, like us. Leave her alone.”
She stomped her foot. “No, she’s not! She works here! She has to help me!”
George gave me a quick, tired shrug, then firmly took her arm. “Come on, honey. We’ll ask someone at the customer service desk. Let’s go.” He started gently but very firmly pulling her away, her still muttering and glaring at me over her shoulder. He kept her moving, even though she was still trying to complain. He just kept walking, pulling her down the aisle, away from me. I just stood there, catching my breath, the store suddenly feeling too quiet.
