I just need to know if I am being unreasonable here because my partner, Alex, is acting like I’ve lost my mind. I am definately NOT crazy. I’m just trying to be FAIR and make sure everything is equitable in our relationship. We’ve been together for five years, lived together for three, and things have always been pretty good, but this whole thing has just blown up.
So, about a year and a half ago, we decided we wanted a really high-end gaming computer. Not just for gaming, but also for, you know, everything. Photo editing, watching movies, just having a super fast machine for general use. We talked about it for MONTHS. Alex said they were interested, but didn’t really know much about specs or building one. So guess who did all the research? ME. Guess who spent countless hours watching YouTube videos, reading reviews, comparing graphics cards and processors? ME. I researched every single component, I found the best deals, I configured the perfect setup. I even learned how to build it myself from scratch, which saved us a ton of money on labor. It was a huge project, probably took me a full weekend just to assemble and install everything, drivers, windows, all that stuff. It was my baby, honestly. I poured my heart into that machine.
We split the cost, mostly. I put in a bit more upfront because I had some savings at the time, and Alex was a little tight. We agreed they’d pay me back when they could, but honestly, I wasn’t really tracking it too closely. It was for ‘us’, right? It was a shared investment. That’s what I thought.
For the first few months, it was great. We both used it. I played my games, Alex played theirs. We watched shows together on it. But then, things started to shift. Alex started using it more and more. Like, a lot more. I’d come home from work, and Alex would be on it, sometimes for hours. I wouldn’t even get a chance to log on before bed sometimes. I didn’t say anything at first because, you know, it’s a shared thing. But it started to feel less and less like ‘ours’ and more like ‘Alex’s’ that I occasionally got to use.
Then, the real issue started. Alex has this little side hustle, doing some graphic design work for local businesses. Nothing major, just a few hundred dollars here and there, usually on weekends. But they started using MY computer for it. Their old laptop just wasn’t powerful enough for the software, so they started doing all their client work on the new PC. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great that Alex is being productive and earning some extra cash. But it’s not just for gaming anymore. It’s a literal income-generating machine FOR THEM. And it’s MY machine, that I built, that I invested more in initially, that I maintain.
I started feeling really resentful. I mean, here I am, working my main job, contributing to all the household bills, and Alex is using this amazing, powerful computer that I basically created, to make their own money. Without any consideration for me. It’s not like they offered to pay for the electricity it uses, or contribute to the internet bill specifically because they’re running a business on it. Nothing. Just free use of a high-end setup.
So, a few days ago, I finally snapped. I wanted to play a new game that just came out, something I’d been waiting for FOR MONTHS. I got home, and Alex was on the computer, doing a client project. I asked them how much longer, and Alex just shrugged and said, “Probably another two or three hours, I’m on a deadline.”
Two or three hours!?! I had plans! My evening was ruined! I just lost it. I told them that this wasn’t fair. That they were basically running a business off of MY investment, MY hard work, MY computer, and I was getting absolutely nothing out of it. I told them that if they were going to use it for income, they needed to start contributing. I suggested a small “rental fee” or “usage fee” for when they used it for client work. Maybe $5 an hour, or a percentage of what they earned from using it. Just something. To acknowledge that they were using a valuable resource that wasn’t exclusively theirs and that I put a huge amount of effort into.
Alex looked at me like I had grown a second head. Their jaw just dropped. They said I was being ridiculous, greedy, and trying to nickel and dime them. They said it was OUR computer, that we both paid for it, and that I was trying to control them. They said I was acting like a total jerk. A HUGE fight ensued. Alex is now refusing to use the computer at all, saying they’ll just tell their clients they can’t do the work. Which will probably hurt their business, which makes me feel bad, but also, what am I supposed to do? Let them just take advantage of me?
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. I put in the lion’s share of the effort, arguably more than the financial contribution I made. I built the thing. I made it possible. And now it’s making Alex money, and I just have to sit back and watch? That doesn’t feel right. It feels like I’m being taken for granted. And when I ask for a fair contribution, I’m the bad guy?
Am I The Jerk here? Was I wrong to ask for some kind of compensation for the use of the computer, especially since it’s generating income for my partner? I honestly feel like I’m in the right. Alex just doesn’t seem to understand the principle of it all. Please tell me what you think, I need some outside perspective on this.
