My grandfather, he is a very kind man. Always, he has wanted to see all of us, his grandchildren, to have good start in life. Few months ago, I was finishing my university studies, and I was looking for a job. My grandfather, he knew this was a difficult time. He knew I would need way to travel to interviews, and then to work. So, he made a very big gesture. He bought me a car.
It is not a new car, no, but it is very reliable. A good, small sedan, perfect for city driving and for my new life. He gave me the keys, and he said, “This car is for you, my dear. For your independence. For your future. Do not worry about transport. Just focus on your success.” I was so grateful. I cried. I hugged him so tight. This car, it was like a symbol of my new freedom, my ability to stand on my own feet. I registered it in my name, I got the insurance. It is all mine, legally and in my heart.
Then, the problems began. My mother, she lives not far from me. I moved out of her house two years ago, to live closer to university, but we are still close. Or I thought we were close. When she heard about the car, she was happy at first. She said, “Oh, wonderful! Now you can visit me more often!” But then, her tone changed. She started to say things like, “You know, the family could really use a second car,” or “It is a pity your younger brother, he still takes the bus to school sometimes.”
I did not think much of it at first. Of course, if she needed a ride, or if my brother needed a ride, and I was free, I would help. This is what family does. But then, her requests, they became more frequent. “Can I borrow your car for shopping?” “Your brother needs a lift to his friend’s house, can you take him?” It was always when I was busy, or when I had plans. And when I said, “Mother, I have to go to work,” or “I am meeting friends,” she would sigh heavily. She would say, “But it is a family car, no? Grandfather, he gave it to you, but we are family.”
I tried to explain. I said, “Mother, grandfather gave it to me. For my work. For my independence. It is registered in my name. It is not ‘the family car’.” She became very upset. She said I was selfish. She said I was forgetting where I came from. She said I was valuing a piece of metal over my own family. This was very hurtful, because I do not. I help when I can. But this car, it is my lifeline to my new life. I have a job now, it is not far, but it is not walking distance. Public transport, it takes almost two hours each way. With the car, it is forty minutes.
The situation escalated last week. My mother, her washing machine, it broke. It was an old machine, and she has been wanting a new one for a long time. She called me and said, “My dear, I have an idea. You do not really need this car, do you? You can take the bus. Why do you not sell the car? And with the money, we can buy a new washing machine, and maybe put some aside for your brother’s school trip.”
I was shocked. I said, “Mother, no! This car is for me. Grandfather gave it to me for a reason. I need it for my job. I cannot sell it for a washing machine. That is not fair.” She started to cry. She said, “You are so cold. You have no heart. Your grandfather would be disappointed. He always taught us to share. But you, you keep everything for yourself.” She then hung up on me.
I called my grandfather to talk to him. I was very upset. I explained everything. He listened. He said, “I gave you that car, my child, so you would not have to rely on anyone, so you could build your own future. It is yours. You do not have to sell it. Your mother, she is under stress, perhaps.” But he also told me to try to be understanding. Understanding of what? Of her trying to take my gift and tell me to sell it?
Now, my mother, she is not speaking to me. My brother, he is also giving me the cold shoulder. He thinks I should “just give” my mother some money, but I do not have extra money. I am just starting out. I have my own bills, my own rent. The car, it is my only big asset, and it is a tool for my independence, not a luxury item to be sold for other people’s needs. I feel very alone in this. I feel like I am being cornered into giving up something that was specifically given to me, for my own life.
Am I The Jerk? Was I wrong to say no to my mother and keep my car?
Please, tell me truly. I feel I am being reasonable. This car, it means so much to me, and it was a gift meant for my new life. It is not for selling for a washing machine or for sharing like a family toy. I need to know if I am being selfish, or if my mother is being unreasonable.
