Hello everyone. I come here to ask for advice because my head is spinning with all this situation. It is about my mother-in-law, my husband’s mother, and a very big problem we are having in our home.
I marry my husband two years ago. He is good man, very kind, and we love each other much. We live in nice apartment that we bought together. It is not so big, but it is ours, and I put much effort to make it beautiful and comfortable. I like to keep things clean, organized, and decorate with things that make me happy. This is important to me, my home, my peace.
The problem is my husband’s mother. She is good woman too, in her own way, I think. She cares for her son very much, and now for me, she says. But sometimes, her caring becomes… too much. She visits us often, maybe two, three times a week. Always she comes with food, which is nice, but also with opinions. Many opinions.
One of these opinions is about a special chair. This chair, it is old. Very old. It was her grandmother’s chair, then her mother’s, and now she says it must be in her son’s home. Our home. When we first move in, she brings it. It is big, dark wood, with ugly green fabric. It is not matching anything in my living room. Nothing. My living room is modern, light colors, comfortable. This chair, it is like from another century. And it takes up much space in our small apartment.
I say to my husband, “Honey, the chair is nice, for history, but for our home? It is not good fit.” He says, “It is important for my mother. It is family heirloom.” I understand this. I respect history. But my home is not museum for all family history. It is my living space.
For one year, the chair stays. It sits in a corner, collecting dust, always looking out of place. I try to put a nice throw on it, some modern cushion, but it is like trying to put lipstick on a pig, as you say in English. It is still ugly chair. And it makes me unhappy when I see it.
A few months ago, my husband and I decide to redecorate the living room a little. We want to buy a new, smaller sofa and an armchair that matches. This is perfect chance, I think. I say to my husband, “Now we can move the chair to storage, or perhaps to your mother’s home, if she wants it back. We do not have space for it with the new furniture.” He looks sad, but he agrees it makes sense. He says he will talk to his mother.
He talks to her. And she is not happy. Not happy at all. She calls me, crying. “How can you disrespect our family like this? This chair, it has memories. It has spirit of our ancestors. You want to throw it away?” I say, “No, MIL, not throw away. Just move. We love family, but our home is small. We need space for our life now.” She says I am selfish. I am not caring about tradition. I am turning her son against his own family.
This makes me very sad. I try to explain. My husband also tries to explain. But she does not listen. She tells his sisters, his aunts, everyone. Now, all his family is looking at me with sad eyes, like I am monster.
So, the new furniture arrives. And there is truly no space for the old chair. My husband feels bad, so he says, “Okay, let us put it in the spare bedroom for now. We will find a solution.” But spare bedroom is not storage. It is where my office is, and where guests sleep sometimes. It is not for ugly chair.
I wait two weeks. Then one day, when my husband is at work, I decide I must do something. I call a local charity shop. They collect furniture. I explain the situation, that it is old but good quality, just not fitting our home. They agree to come and pick it up. I feel a little bit guilty, but also relieved. My home will be mine again, truly mine.
The chair is gone. When my husband comes home, he asks, “Where is the chair?” I tell him, “It went to a new home where someone will love it and use it. It was too big for us.” He is very quiet. Then he calls his mother.
Oh, the explosion. She comes straight to our home. She is shouting. “You give away my family’s heritage! You are a terrible wife! You are trying to erase my family from my son’s life!” She says I am a thief. She says I am heartless. My husband tries to calm her, but she is very angry. She says I am making her sick with worry and sadness.
My husband is now caught in the middle. He is upset with me, but he also knows we did not have space. He says I should have waited, talked to his mother again. But I knew she would never agree. Never. And it was my home too. I have right to decide what is in my own home.
Now, his mother says she will not visit us again until the chair is back, which is impossible. She says I have broken her heart. His sisters are sending me messages, saying I acted without respect. But I felt I was showing respect by trying to find it a new, good home, not just throwing it in the trash.
I try to explain that the chair was just a thing, and our family, our peace, is more important. But they do not see it this way. They see me as the villain. I thought I was solving a problem for our small home, making it more comfortable for us.
Am I The Jerk? Was I wrong to give away the chair? I truly felt it was the only way to make our home truly ours. Please, tell me your thoughts, I need honest opinion.
